Category Archives: Uncategorized

Oh, just give it a rest!

Oh, my gosh I guilt trip myself so much!!
Now, not for the past two days of eating like crap, but for the sitting around.  There’s just no energy in me.  I don’t sleep well, my brain is in a constant state of anxiety and “go, go, go!” and I keep two toddlers during the week.  One of them is mine and she’s the hard part.  Both my mom and my doc tell me that that is too much, but it has to be done, so there it is.

Abby has both girls in the backyard today and seems to be enjoying herself and we are all four going to a Praise Dance performance/dinner tonight that the Coles next door gave us tickets to.  The girls will love it, we don’t have to cook, etc, and it will be good fellowship and untold blessings because it is not in our usual comfort zone and you know that’s where the BIG stuff comes in.  Plus, Mrs Pat seemed as it was a blessing to her to invite us, and who am I to prevent that?  But, it is going to take SO MUCH energy to go and BE there and be friendly and polite.  I am slightly dreading this blessing,  if you can understand that.

Ha!  Sorry to interrupt, but I just had a #momwin!  I read an article on how to fix my picky eater and IT WORKED!!  The six magic words were, “You don’t have to eat it.” AND THEY WERE RIGHT!!  Abby gave the girls Spaghettios for lunch and Agnes looked as if we were forcing her to eat poo,  and now she is asking for more!  Now, Spaghettios aren’t haute cuisine by any means, but they are also far from poo.

Rawr

I don’t believe in violence as an answer to anything, really. 
Spanking a child makes no logical sense to me–I’ve resorted to it, unfortunately, in anger or frustration, or fear for the child’s safety (as odd as that sounds), for example, when you snatch their hand as they are about to run into the street, hug them to you and then swat their behind yelling at them to “not to run in the street”.
Striking another purely to cause pain or submission seems cruel to me, so I avoid it as a personal choice and probably because it’s “against the rules”–what rules?!  I am 32 years old, but the maxim of, “Keep hands, feet, and objects to yourself.” is still engrained in this one.  I’m a big rules person.  They’re there for a reason–to attempt to maintain order, I say, while others say control.
I am learning to see that other side.  There seem, at times, to be different rules for different people or groups of people,  or at least, differing enforcement of the rules.  That sucks and shouldn’t be allowed, but this isn’t elementary school and the “teachers” aren’t always on duty and they aren’t always honest, fair, or good.  Sadly, I am also learning that personal responsibility isn’t the same for everyone–some require it of themselves, others don’t–and everyone’s seems slightly different.
Thus endeth my discussion, because I can’t fix it for the world and I doubt it will ever be “fixed” and that makes me sad.

I would pack up my family, move to a (recently deserted by loving family member with all bits and bobs in working order) farm.  As in, lots of pasture land and a hay field, cows, goats, chickens that roost in a tree, and lay eggs in Easter basket lined hen house.

There were two sheep, a ewe, and a new baby.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Too Big To Fail.”

Well, my mind is blank.

I finally picked up my Ativan prescription, rather my Abby did, and I owe her $1.50–we agreed that I am good for it.  So, I got a good night’s sleep last night from abt 8 until 6, with only one midnight snack wake up, where I searched for chocolate,  ice cream,  cookies, etc, and settled for an ounce of cheese,  brushed my teeth and went back to bed.  #win
If I take my steroids first thing in the morning, they. start kicking in and ramping me up around the girls’ lunch time, which is convenient. Yesterday, we had hot dogs (cut into tiny pieces), mac and cheese, applesause, and peas, which went over wellish.  Kortneigh is a milk drinker, and I have to bargain with her for more food, occasionaly. 
I don’t believe in bargaining with sweets with anyone other than myself–I know how TOO successful that can be. 
After lunch, where milk is served in big girl cups–no sippees, we clean up and get ready for enforced nap time.  They get one kiddo show with which to calm down and then it goes to Mommy tv, at which point Daddy (JD) usually shows up with a bag for each (and one for #Allison) that holds a bug juice and M & Ms for AFTER nap.  He usually brings something for the wife (which gets eaten or stashed for Abby), downloads pertinent info regarding vehicle, drill, mil, etc, cops a feel, kisses us and leaves.
I love my old man.  I love our marriage.  It’s far from typical, but full of intense love and affection.  Our petty arguments (the real ones) have fallen by the wayside years ago, thanks to God.

Agnes is having a meltdown because Kortneigh took her shovel or waffle or something,  but I am practicing “hands-off parenting” at the mo, which means to me to let the girls duke it out, yell, holler, whatever, over toys, so long as there is no pushing, shoving, etc.
In the interim, I have swopped after the muddy dog, made another toaster waffle (whew!), refilled juice cups–abt 10 oz juice cut with water only to be drank in the kitchen and not wagged around all day, which slows potty training, and results in lost cups–I have reasons for my rules.

Dukan diet *attack* phase, day 2.

http:// http://www.mamanatural.com/how-to-make-your-own-chia-seed-drink/

Yesterday was not that great of an attack after about 1 pm–the steroids and my weakness were taking over and I had myself a cute little binge session of a bowl of Dora cereal, with a heaping side of guilt afterwards.
I can give all kinds of factual excuses–blood sugar craziness due to ‘roids, details of the cereal mauling (’twas brutal!), supposed caloric deficiency,  etc,  but I am going with plain old weakness.
Today, however, I had a very filling breakfast and am bringing back in my old friend, #coffeecoffeecoffee, and doubling my water intake to compensate.  I will not fail again.  This diet is rumored to help you lose a ton and a half, which is precisely what I need to lose.
My doc put me on the #Dukan diet and in ONE DAY I lost 3 lbs (of fluid, I know) by eating only meat, fish, cheese, and eggs.  Done doddy, I’m there.  In theory…
If you have ever been on steroids, you know that sweets find their way into your mouth–well, not just sweets, everything does, really.
My nurse–a wonderful soul named Suzan, who was there for me at one of THOSE moments, the kind of anxiety attack that isn’t so much as creeping up, but swallowing you whole and continued to be the whisper/shout of kindness for the rest of my stay, and whom I could two-arm hug first thing in the morning,  when I was still tired and alone–told me about this chia gel drink, which I (intended to look up since discharge) looked up today, prepared, and refrigerated for later when (I know) things will get bad, cravings-wise.
Random mish mash of a post, but there you have it…

Oh, yeah, sometimes I blog from the bathroom.

Pants up, I assure you.

Okay, first walk of the day in the bag. I am using the dog, the child, and our combined need for vitamin D as excuses to get up and get out, though I AM loving the sunshine and lack of animation.

Had three short dog walks and outside play time mit #Agnes, yesterday for all told, abt 45 mins of vertical living (*always stay busy* time) and/or full on power walking the terrier.

I am, at my best, a [fluffy] at home body, typically not liking being outside–because bugs, sweat, cold, rain, sleet, snow and Ihave been told more than once that I am rather lazy.

But, since I have my eating righted and at a good balance: little to no animal protein/high carb–brown rice/quinoa and fruit & veg days alternating with guilt ridden animal consumption days because I am weak/if I don’t sporadically act out, I will backslide catastrophically.

Side note: I ramble and bird walk.

Anyhow, now that I’m eating right, I should move more.  I sporadically do this…  I squat and yoga sporadically,  and walk sporadically, but need to do this and more, more often.

Here goes.

Am trying to not tell myself that I am already 35 lbs down toward my -50 lb 1st mini goal.

Just got back from taking the dog out for a 4 block walk, but it was too chilly w/o my sweater and Nes didn’t seem to want to go, so we came back.